I haven’t been doing my daily writing, so I’m going to write about it here. I’m not sure what the hang up is because I know that continuing to write and express my ideas will only bring more clarity. And I want that. Clarity of thought, of how I can serve, of what I have to offer.

I’m working on several presentations that I’m going to share with our McNair community in a few weeks and I’ve also been feeling blocked. It’s that autopilot in my head always second guessing my worth, what I have to say. So my intention is to simply keep writing through it.

It’s that shitty first draft that people talk about. Keep on writing those shitty first drafts because they can eventually shift into gold. Well, maybe not actual gold. But gold in the sense that words on the page will serve some greater purpose, if only to self-express and perhaps tickle another’s fancy, encourage a new perspective a new thought?

You never know when something you write will resonate with another person. I’m putting a bit more pressure on myself because I’m writing on my blog and simply posting. Not a ton of people actually read my blog (yet!) and so I feel okay about doing that. Something about having that reality of sharing makes it easier for me to put words on the page.

I do draft in Evernote sometimes, but I don’t like that as much because those drafts tend to sit and eventually mold over. I don’t like coming back to them for some reason. All kinds of resistance I know.

Besides the presentations, I want to redesign my website and so I need fresh copy for that. For both, I try not to attach great meaning so as to trick my brain into thinking that it’s no big deal, just write something.

Perhaps I’m thinking too much.

Perhaps what I need to do is shift more toward being mode. Allowing my intuition to guide me more. That is what we’re trying to do in meditation. Softening our thoughts to get to the root of what we have to say. Becoming less judgmental toward ourselves also serves us in the writing process.

I have been rather enjoying creating posts on Instagram, especially guest posting on Ph_Depression which focuses on mental health in graduate education. That’s one of the things I’m presenting on actually. It’s such an important topic and one that deserves more attention, especially within individual graduate programs and graduate schools as a whole on a national level.

So many students are struggling. Which makes it hard running a program that strives to encourage more students to pursue this life. Life of the mind. Life as an academic. A scholar. The resiliency factor for each student entering a Ph.D. program really needs to be up there that’s for sure. I hope our students can find their way to good people who will support them and help them flourish. But that’s not always the case. This is where pressure on graduate student mental health builds and spills over into some really serious realities students much face in order to achieve their degree. It feels good more open discussion is happening on this important topic.

But I digress. Four minutes remaining of my 25 minute writing period and I admit I’m watching the clock. Since I’ve been avoiding writing, this is really my first day at it, so I’m going easy on myself. I’m allowing myself to dribble on here (judging myself, I know, noted) so that I can move forward and ultimately create a consistent habit that will lead to greater productivity and satisfaction. Won’t you join me?